"Customer Service" in Germany

So...Germans are efficient, right? MEH! Wrong. Not in every single situation. Take today's example: customer service. More specifically, internet company customer service.

Lately I've been going through exactly what I need to take care of before I move out - un-register myself at city hall, cancel my BahnCard, close my bank account...and cancel my internet service. This has turned out to be a bit of a chore.

I'm on a month-by-month contract, which is nice. No year-long commitments, flat rate. But getting service in the first place was a chore - I spent my first month in Germany without internet. It took about four weeks to get a technician to come hook it up (Totally normal, apparently. Can you imagine Comcast getting away with that in the States?), and another week for the second technician to come and fix what the FIRST technician effed up in the first place. Lovely.

Today, I spent easily an hour pouring over the company's website, trying to figure out when I needed to let them know that I want to cancel my subscription after June. Hmm...well, they used the most VAGUE wording ever...still not sure if I can cancel it UNTIL four weeks before the end of the month or FROM that time. Urgh. Fine, so the next natural step is to look for an email address that takes care of customer service, right?

WRONG.

There was no such email address. So much for customer service. Fine, then I guess I'll look up a phone number. After answering a bajillion questions about the nature of my inquiry, I was given a phone number. FINALLY. But no, it cannot be that simple. Of course in order to call the company for them to give information about the services which you are ALREADY PAYING FOR, you must pay a further 15 cents per minute to call their help-hotline. Thank goodness my wait time was low.

Get a hold of an employee and he asks for my personal information, my password, the whole bit. So surely he can just type into the computer that I want to end my contract after June, right?

WRONG.

He informs me that in order to terminate my service, I need to send a letter to the office in Hamburg. Really? Snail mail? Come on, Germans - aren't you supposed to be eco-friendly? Let's save some trees people (AND the postage which I will now have to pay in addition to calling your silly company to find out that I have to send this stupid letter in the first place. Of course you wouldn't include this simple information on your website because that would be too freaking sensible)! After a pause in the conversation I finally ask, "Um, und die Adresse waere..........?!" (Translation: Um, and the address would be....?!)

So in conclusion...note to Alice-Internet - take the five minutes to include this on your website:

"To cancel your contract, please send a letter to...."

Simple as that, people.